Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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