I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
