She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
