we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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