what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
