When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
