What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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