I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
