i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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