I'm eating all of the evidence.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
