when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
