Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
