Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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