anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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