when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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