i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize