I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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