I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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