i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
