and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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