Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
