3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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