Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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