Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
