You're my little dorito
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
