I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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