How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
