glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
they call him Oral-B. enough said
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize