I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
