I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
