It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
