I looked at my own cervix.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
