I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
