4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize