Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
