Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
