I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize