so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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