Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
