I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
