i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
