I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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