There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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