I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i love accidental penises.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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