He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize