She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
