I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Im part way to drunk.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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