i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
