he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
