so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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