OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
