the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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