6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
