ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
