plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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