DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
