I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize