she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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