you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
