The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
well you can't waste a boner
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
