you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
