a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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