My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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