She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
