We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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