They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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