I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize