i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
