apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
