There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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