considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
