smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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