Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize