____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
