Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
