I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
