don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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