he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
