I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
