I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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