Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
