i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
