I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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