dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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