I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
