You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
