just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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