I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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