The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
