My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize