god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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