Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize