how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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