no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
