i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
