Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
