Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
