I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
