thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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