I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
