Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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