we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
