I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
