You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
