It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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