I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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