theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
