Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
