I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
