Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
no, he came in my armpit
I seem to have left my pride at pride
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
