hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
