so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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