There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
