Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
