i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
